@robfee: Dang girl are you the old lady from Up, because I've only been here for like 5 minutes and you're already gone.
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@pattymo: GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank
@iQuoteComedy: Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says "Oh no she didn't!", she in fact, did.
@AmericanGent69: Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run. Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes.
@HatfieldAnne: Needed one cotton ball. Two were left. Took both so one wouldn’t feel lonely. I also have strong feelings about the last two pudding cups.