@LegoGodzilla: Dangerously attractive guitars get added to the sexy fenders register.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [guy next to me at urinal] "Is that a 5 or 6?" ...about 5-1/2 I guess. "Really? (looks at iPhone on my hip) Can I see it?" *zips up* No.
@Christi_Q: Dating is hard because guys are like "You're hot, can we do butt stuff yet?" and girls are like "It's been 3 days, where's my ring?"
@3sunzzz: [notice son's not home] [text] Me: IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT! I SAID HOME BY 11! 17: You were my ride. Me: Oh. Where are you again?