@trojansauce: daniel radcliffe's family were just known as the cliffe's until his great grandfather invented the kick flip
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@myonlymizztake: I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.
@TheRolo: Not to brag, but a news anchor started following me today. She recognizes a disaster when she sees one.
@1CleverClogs: My diet plan is just watching my 400 pound coworker lick her lips and sweat as she describes her dinner from last night.
@matsmoustache: I don't even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullshit.