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@cool_as_heck: Date: I like old-fashioned guys
Me: *dies of polio*
@drewjanda: Son, your mother and I looked at your browser history. Frankly, it's not pretty. Do you for real need a walkthrough for Call Of Duty
@JohnLyonTweets: Shout-out to smartphones for eliminating tedious tasks from our lives like reading books or watching the road when we drive.
@LaziestCanine: *beats a guitar hero song on expert mode*
*changes Twitter bio to "musician/songwriter"*
@murrman5: *takes out one earbud*
"not guilty, your honor"