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@KKAlThani: Date tip: buy a calendar
@Trudacious: You should ask her if she gained weight. That way she knows you're paying attention to her.
@freypalm: College guy: [massaging head] Oh man I got so trashed last night.
Raccoon: [massaging stomach with his little raccoon paws] Me too man.
@ozzyunc: Oil is made from dinosaurs. Plastic is made from oil. Plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs.
@WhiskeyandMeds: It's all fun and games until HR sends an email with "Your Twitter Account" in the subject line.