@brendohare: DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool
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@Ohgoddessitsme: I just accidentally opened the door for a jehovah's Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
@AndyAsAdjective: *accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*
@Lovestained555: Look on the bright side, your insomnia keeps most of the spiders out of your mouth.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [pirate ship capturing another ship] Pirate: Prepare to be bored! Other Captain: Don't you mean boarded? *pirate opens stamp collection*