@brendohare: DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool
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@bafeldman: *jk rowling wakes up* what’s today’s tweet *spins large bingo cage* hagrid… is… pansexual and… he later joined isis
@dreamsinchocola: When I undress there is a radiant shower that falls. Not of money or glitter, but of dog hair.
@ninjadinosaur1: He thinks the stuffed animals in my room are creepy, but I can't think of a cuter way to hide all those cameras.
@KristinGnr: To the jogger clinging to the hood of my car: That's why you run WITH the flow of traffic