@brendohare: DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool
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@iliezabeth: CAT: mew ME: indeed, u are correct kitty CAT: mew ME: well said, kitty, well said FRIEND I FORGOT WAS THERE: are u ok...? Emotionally?
@KimmyMonte: How to tell if your cat is a dog: 1) it barks 2) it doesn't hate you 3) someone once said aw cute dog 4) it's like a horse but slower
@BobTheSuit: Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm riding a Big Wheel on the freeway? Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL
@theshamingofjay: What is everyone writing songs about? John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus