@weinerdog4life: Date Tip: If a date is going well, a series of loud hoots will scare off other suitors
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@_Ms_Moneypenny_: This salad isn't going to toss itself. *winks* - Things you shouldn't say as you pass food around the Thanksgiving table :(
@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@EndhooS: [Don't let hot barrista know I'm a goose] "Can I get you a coffee?" Just a honk chonklate for me "A what?" CHOCOLATE, a hot chocolate plz.