@weinerdog4life: Date Tip: If a date is going well, a series of loud hoots will scare off other suitors
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@SteussieErica: Husband who is bathing dogs in the bathtub asked if I wanted to join them & I wish I could say this is the weirdest offer I've had all day
@Howiesbookclub: "Daddy, are we poor?" Compared to the vast majority of humans on earth? No. "Compared to my friends?" Oh yes, sweety. As the very dirt.
@FuckabillyRex: *during sex Her: This feels weird, is it a water bed? Me: Nope. Way better. *pulls back sheet to reveal hundreds of meatball subs
@ScreaminZeman: I only ever learned a couple karate moves, so you could say I know partial arts.