@jwoodham: Dating is a win-win. If things go well, you eat food and fall in love. If they don't, you still eat food and that's all that really matters.
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@JimGaffigan: GOALS FOR MORNING: Run Clean up Hang w/ kids Workout Write Get organized Respond to emails Return calls SO FAR: Wrote this About to nap
@GingerGander: Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.
@paulablu22: A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
@PinkCamoTO: 5: I want to do something no one else has ever done. Me: Help me clean? 5: No. Something fun.