@AmberTozer: Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them
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@noog: Hand 2 toddlers a poisoned cookie and tell them not to eat it, then leave for a day. Some would call that stupid. The Bible calls it Genesis
@TheMichaelRock: Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?
@Bob_Heller: My boss told me: "Dress for the job you want..." so there will be a stormtrooper at tomorrow morning's meeting.
@MotherJonestown: STAGES OF DRUNK: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don't wake up the cows.