@juliussharpe: Dating is good practice for parenting because you learn not to care when someone is crying in a restaurant.
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@Chel__CLE: Seriously ppl who eat pizza with a fork & knife? This is America. We shove it in our faces like the rest of the fat people. Get it together.
@ericsshadow: SON: I'm moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can't stop me. ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.
@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
@McGrumpenstein: "Thanks for the homemade wine. If going blind had a flavour, this would be it." * why I'm not allowed to write thank you cards anymore.