@MaladjustedMind: Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom
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@JohnFatherJohn: confession: I'm only getting my PhD in physics cause I wanted my hate for The Big Bang Theory to be more personal.
@rickkondell: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher.
@thatUPSdude: I keep my car insurance deductible high just to help me fight the urge from side swiping people that don't use a blinker.
@truegritrumble: PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.