@MaladjustedMind: Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom
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@AimeeHelene1: (telling a ghost story) You know those knocking noises you hear at night? That's adulthood coming for you! *all the adults start screaming*
@2thestreetz: *lights scented candle* *accidentally burns down house* *everyone agreed that it smelled amazing*
@OtherDanOBrien: ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being GUY: Not every fiber? ME: I hate alot of people. I'm not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy
@michaelianblack: Internet, just because I bought shoes from you once doesn't mean I'm going to do it again. You're coming across as desperate.