@MaladjustedMind: Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom
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@minivansandgin: Hear toddler having meltdown at Target Me: Parents should control their kids! Cashier: Isn't she yours? Me: C: I saw her come in with you.
@funnybeachgirl: Just saw a Fiat & a Mini Cooper get into a head on collision. It was horrible... there was glitter everywhere.
@inojperez: "It's our third date and you still wear that shirt?" Honey, this all they have in prison.
@personontheweb: we just got new auto insurance and my mom was supposed to text our agent pictures of her car: