@deardilettante: Dating me is like a walk in the park - Jurassic Park.
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@Quartzjixler: I hate when I read something so offensive on Twitter that my monocle falls out of my eye and into my brandy snifter.
@WienerToboggan: *prepares to cook vegetarian chili* *spills the beans* Whoa, I suppose you could call that.. *lowers shades with a spatula*.. Kidney failure
@sixfootcandy: (guy glaring at me because he wants to use the stationary bike) *adds 72 hours to cardio workout*