@EJGomez: dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance
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@blakeshelton: I'm so drunk right now I just walked into Canadian customs and shouted "Why y'all checkin' me?! Ur the ones with a pot leaf on your flag!!"
@ShortSleeveSuit: Basic white girl [laughing]: Yasssss omg I'm dying! Takes Everything Literally Todd [shocks her with a defibrillator]: NOT ON MY WATCH!
@buhsbaby_baby: When my dogs crawl into bed with me, I like to pretend it's because they love me and not because I am sleeping in their dog bed on the floor