@EJGomez: dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance
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@laurenmacdonald: There's a lot of strange facts in this world if you think about it. For example, some people like when there's pulp in their orange juice.
@Nikkeya08: Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00. Me: Can you take off the avocado? Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.
@flashember: [Enters baby room late at night] *flicks switch* [baby's got a raccoon in a headlock] "What the-" DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY
@sambha_bhilane: I like to listen to Anu Malik's music while I study because he is a constant reminder on why it's important to get educated.