@Bownuggets: DATING TIP: Be a gentleman. Hold her door. Hold her hand. Hold her purse. Hold her for ransom. Demand a chopper. Fly away. Start a new life.
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@jjhartinger: To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
@illTortuga: "Welcome to Panda Express" "I'd like one panda" "Sorry we don't sell pand-" *slips cashier $100* "Meet me in the back alley in ten minutes"
@ScottLinnen: So many haunted "mansions." Sad how this country is killing the middle class ghost.