@Tommytoughstuff: Dating tip: don't mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin.
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@Jake_Vig: My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
@fluffysuse: When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich? Here's what she said to me: GO TO SLEEP.
@alwayzintruble: My entire day will be spent laughing at my children because they have to go back to school tomorrow..
@SortaBad: Why are you breaking up with me? "You treat your dog like a baby. It's weird" Shh *puts hands over dog's ears* he's 26 months he understands