@TDeeRock: Dating tip: find a guy with a compatible charger.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: a co-worker asked me if I was pregnant and I panicked and said yes so now I have to gradually gain like 30 pounds
@Shock_Monster: Him: Sir, you don't have the experience or fitness to be a fireman. Me: But, I got a mustache! Him: That's cat fur attached with frosting.
@Brentweets: "Do you need help with your math homework Billy?" "Yeah I sure do Dad!" "Well you're shit out of luck"