@TDeeRock: Dating tip: find a guy with a compatible charger.
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@ArfMeasures: KID IN PARK [crying] I think my mum might of left me here ME: Oh no! WIFE: Talk to him ME: Hey, listen kid *kneels down* it's might HAVE
@briangaar: "Sir, I need you to explain your resume." Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters "Current job?" I pee on things I don't like
@lazerdoov: I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.