@TDeeRock: Dating tip: find a guy with a compatible charger.
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@bossybutfair: If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity.
@david8hughes: [first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest you in despair and disappointments?
@pleatedjeans: [Batman in tears] Catwoman left me Oh no what happened?! I left the door open and she just bolted