@WheelTod: Dating tip for ladies: some guys will be scared off if you don't wait until the third date before asking him to murder your husband.
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@therealeatwood: BAD COP: Throw the book at him. GOODREADS COP: OK! Check out Ruby, the beautiful and devastating debut novel by Cynthia Bond. ★★★½
@Bluestmoon_: 78% of parenting is spent anxiously praying they don't notice the minuscule lego piece you just vacuumed up.
@TriciaLockwood: jason: may I tell u something? me: anything baby. jason: for the last year whenever u get drunk u start to make Pig Noises, u do it with a challenging look in ur eye, if I ask u about the Pig Noises u get offended and run away to the next room where u continue to oink softly