@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.
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@Coastiefish: You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed.
@Crunch11b: Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever.
@FeralCrone: Listen, you should really give your mother a call. She's concerned that "the haters" in her Zumba class are organizing and gaining power.
@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.