@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.
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@sgrstk: I want a girl who's crazy, but considerate. Like, if she stays home on a Friday night, she's not resting — she's giving the world a break.
@01CandyQueen: Bae: come over Me: do you have food? Bae: my parents aren't home Me: Are they gonna come back with food?
@sammyrhodes: Olive Garden is appropriately named given that an olive garden is exactly where even Jesus was disappointed.
@Jesus_M_Christ: That moment when you mom says she was a virgin, but then 3 random dudes show up on your birthday with gifts.