@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.
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@EmrgencyKittens: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture that so fully summed up what it is to be a cat owner.
@dril: BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES
@Home_Halfway: "Do you know how fast you were going?" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. "Get out of the car." *Cop cuddles driver* "Stop doing this. I worry."