@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.
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@ibid78: [A-ha rehearsal] "Here's the lyric: Take On Me." "What about Take Me On?" [4 hrs of arguing later] "Ok we'll say both. Now let's get perms."
@FrogAvalanche: 911: Whats ur emergency? "OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."
@iwearaonesie: "UNLESS WE'RE OUT OF CHEESE THERE'S NO REASON TO SCREAM LIKE THAT!" - me to my kid whenever he throws a tantrum
@BrattyBarbie: Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.