@Kyle_Raney: DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed.
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@Ristolable: A person on this website accused me of writing "a thousand bad jokes" and I was like wow that's a weird way to say you like 7000 of my jokes
@JermHimselfish: The only meal my girlfriend ever makes for me is alphabet soup because even when we aren't fighting she still loves to put words in my mouth
@seamusmckracken: I get distracted too easily to be a burglar. I’d just end up playing with your dogs, or feeding your fish and then leaving.