@Kyle_Raney: DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed.
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@Abusitron: Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*
@Dschnoeb: I think the only girl I know that hasn't said "you're like a brother to me" is my sister.
@just1fool: Every time you reach under the couch for something a giant spider must choose whether or not to give up its secure location.