@Kyle_Raney: DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed.
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@elle91: How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe: 1. Are you wearing Axe? No- Good. Yes- That's too much.
@timdonakowski: If I ever meet someone who's been in a coma since 2004, I'm trying to sell them a USB drive for $150.
@david8hughes: "911? Help, my house is burning down!" "Sir, we're sending the fire brigade right now." "I HAVE ENOUGH FIRE I DON'T NEED A BRIGADE OF IT."