@MoneypennyNaked: Dating tip: If you show a guy naked photos on your phone, 98% won't notice if you steal their drink.
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@Darlainky: Buy living room furniture that matches your pet’s hair because, work smarter not harder.
@Black__Elvis: Just found a hole in my sock and now I'm worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
@MartinPilgrim1: 1.Not leaving my room 2.Not leaving the house 3.Missing someone's birthday party My childhood punishments have become my adult hobbies.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did you get me for Mother's Day? 3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it? 3: You haven't made it yet.