@Dawn_M_: Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
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@LaziestCanine: [on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear
@themiltron: FRIEND: What 3 books would you have on a desert island? ME: My first book is more books. F: What? These aren’t wish— M: Second book’s a TV.
@_NTFG_: I'll tell you what's wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
@SondraDeeMe: I date men whom have their life paths laid out firmly and don't waver. Yes, their paths are Psycho and Socio, but consistency is admirable.