@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Pick up the check. Pick up the table. Pick up the chairs and the waitress and the bartender. Everyone loves upper body strength.
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@radtoria: 1st baby: you make sure he's breathing every five minutes 2nd baby: someone replaced him with a ham in the crib and you don't even notice
@lalastrailer: If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I work for a small company.
@seamussaid: dude told me he did a line with Emma Watson but I know he was lying - she's British, they call them "queues"
@Mr_Kapowski: You know you're good when they have to add an amendment to the company handbook cause they never thought anyone would do what you did