@koalaslament: DATING TIP: show her your hula hoop skills. keep adding hula hoops. you're now a slinky. everybody loves a slinky.
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@Beerhaze: She hated my mixed-tape back in high school. Last month she gave birth to her ninth baby. Thanks for saving my life, Depeche Mode!
@KalvinMacleod: CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice