@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Size does matter! Tell her how big your TV is.
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@weinerdog4life: Jake from State Farm lives with us now, our house is full of khaki pants, he is making khaki pants for dinner.
@Schmoodles: My friend texts "ur" instead of "you're" but puts extra letters in "so" because she's "soooo happy." This is why everyone hates you, Julie.
@Kauaibride: i make my smoothies with a handful of kale, parsley, cabbage, broccoli, lemon zest and ice and blend it all in the garbage disposal.
@Cherbearxo: Apparently it's okay for the office to have "casual Friday's," but "nudist Tuesday's" are frowned upon. How embarrassing for me.