@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Size does matter! Tell her how big your TV is.
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@Bexdora: ROMEO:But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? ME:Well if you'd just sod off like I asked, I wouldn't have to throw lamps at you.
@DirtMcTurd: [Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue
@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?