@itchyturtle: Dating tip: surprise your date by being a giraffe
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@jctwritesstuff: I'm sorry I said your baby looks like a hairless hamster. But in my defense, you shouldn't have had a hairless hamster for a baby.
@AnkCoupleTO: *first date* Me: Tell me more about you Her: *crazy eyes* WELL I HAVEN'T STABBED ANYONE LATELY Me: *deletes Tinder* Let's get married!
@robwhisman: don't hate robert altman's 1992 satirical comedy "the player" hate david fincher's 1997 psychological thriller "the game"
@Kesse_GH: A Girl on Twitter, finally gave birth,Now she's been tweeting her baby pics every 20min & Makes me feel I am raising her child with my Data