@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Surprise your date! Show up a day early.
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@TheDailySchmuck: I can deal with shootings and police harassment. But it's January 4th and some maniac is playing Christmas music. Time to leave the ghetto
@histwaddle: People need to stop judging a person by their appearance. Just because i have food stains on my shirt that doesn't mean i have kids.
@NikiWithIssues: Hey person who wrote "WASH ME" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you.
@joeljeffrey: Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert