@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Surprise your date! Show up a day early.
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@TheToddWilliams: [apiary] ME: Are you the beekeeper? BEEKEEPER: Yup ME: Can I get some? BEEKEEPER: Nope ME: Is it because you k— BEEKEEPER: I keep them
@ChickenFrecklez: Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up! Garage door is broken
@bourgeoisalien: man: you're beautiful me: gross man: humanity is a black hole of stupid and i'm dying inside me: [heart beats fast] oh my god are you single
@kcmoore51: Me: I made you a playlist... Her: OMG! THAT'S SO ROMANTIC! Me: It only has songs about food.