@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Surprise your date! Show up a day early.
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@hazelmotes1: Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE
@KimmyMonte: I think the first person to see a pug was like wait why is that sweet potato snorting?
@SortaBad: *walks into library* "Excuse me, where are your books about asking librarians out on dates?"
@murrman5: *opens fortune cookie* there's rice on your face *grabs wifes and opens it* still there *grabs one from next table* I can do this all night