@jwoodham: DATING TIP: When your crush texts you, win them over by playing hard to get. Throw your phone in a river. Change your name. Move to Belgium.
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@Pro_Jones_: Me: Boss our sales are really going updog. Boss: You mean up? Me: No, updog. Boss: What's updog? Me: Not our sales. We're bankrupt.
@BrettDruck: What's it like to work in customer service/retail? Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist.
@MarfSalvador: Boss: I expect total transparency from my staff Trevor: That's not always practic— John the Jellyfish: NO PROBLEM BOSS
@RatBatallion: Just realized all my tweets are about my genitals . Time to change the subject. Do you believe in aliens ? If so , do they have genitals?