@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: You never want to seem too easy! So set up a date and never show up.
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@Parentpains: Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.
@eedrk: doctor: you know how to measure your bowel movements me: yeah of course doctor: you weigh yourself before and after me: [15 Sec pause] yeah
@BoozeWallet: I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.
@Sophie2078: Never date an intelligent, incredibly handsome, wealthy man. He's a violent psychopath that wants to kill you *things i learned from horrors