@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: You never want to seem too easy! So set up a date and never show up.
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@lazerdoov: Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.
@badbanana: Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
@iamporgy: Dad : son ,when I was your age I used to walk 6kms to school Son: oh now I get it Dad: get what? Son: why you didn't make it to university
@AntozWolf: They say being a hostage is difficult - but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.