@Maxine12339: Daughter announced there will be rain for Thanksgiving. We usually have turkey but with her cooking skills rain will taste better.
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@ingmarbirdman: If you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out doors to people, well, there's the door.
@HeyZeus666: I'm no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
@markydoodoo: [GOD INVENTING MUSHROOMS] GOD: most of them are fine ANGEL: what about the ones that aren't? God: you get high or... you DIE Angel: dude
@Pro_Jones_: Jehovah's Witness: Do you have time to talk about Jesus? Jesus: *In disguise* sure JW: He's lame J: *rips off fake beard* Big mistake pal