@PaulGibson1963: Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on "too many kids" & "making it look accidental." Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day.
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@lilgapeach30: Oh you're a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes. Can't believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven.
@garrydavenport: The "eye for an eye" philosophy isn't exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops.
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: You're hired.. Me: Thank you so much! You won't live to regret this.. Interviewer: What? Me: huh?
@UncleBob56: What is it Lassie? Timmy fell down a well? Earthquake in LA? The Russians are coming? You found a plane? No? ...Oh, you want another beer.