@dafloydsta: ME: I'm dead inside.
THERAPIST: How does that make you feel?
ME: Dead inside. Jesus, is this your first fuckin day?
@sixfootcandy: And in conclusion, may I say that black robe is very slimming on you, Your Honor. And I've never seen a bigger gavel.
@offbeatoliv: Scotch neat please
Umm...this is a Starbucks
*sigh
Ok a scotch "grande"
@yonewt: I know someone who puts raisins in meatballs so don't even try to talk to me about psychos
@david8hughes: [family game night]
Me: do u understand now, grandma? U understand the rules now?
Mum [tappin my shoulder]: she gets it. Loosen the headlock
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