@JKNenagh: I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.

@squirrel74wkgn: [watching kids make snowman] Me: Hey honey, do you still keep that thing hidden in your dresser? Wife: Yes...why? Me (pointing): I don’t think that’s a carrot they used for his nose...

@LaLuchaNix: I just watched Grease and it makes me sad how kids today are too lazy to buy matching leather jackets and smoke cigarettes.

@Sean_Burgundy_: I'm giving up eating food off the floor for Lent

@JennyJohnsonHi5: In the eye doctor waiting room with my mom. There's apparently an old person throat clearing competition here today.