@trevso_electric: Day 218 of making fun of CrossFit.
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@jaymahonei: my dad always makes fun of me for taking selfies all the time but if he didn't want such a beautiful child he should've kept it in his pants
@EJGomez: [introducing you to my family] "this is my son Carson, my daughter Boatdaughter, & our dog Motorcyclepet"
@jenniferfralic: Everyone at my funeral gets a stun gun. The last person standing gets all my stuff.