@KalvinMacleod: Day 3 of weight loss challenge: all my coworkers look like tacos. I do not understand how the meat remains in the shell as they walk around.
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@Ristolable: I never made it as a firefighter. I thought arsonists were people who hated arson, so every time we met one I thanked him for his support
@weinerdog4life: I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around
@KyleMcDowell86: If I learned anything from Aladdin it was that if u just keep lying to a girl eventually u will get to marry her and live at her dad's house