@KalvinMacleod: Day 3 of weight loss challenge: all my coworkers look like tacos. I do not understand how the meat remains in the shell as they walk around.
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@Matt_The_1st: Me: "Hey doc, what's that condition where you wake up and everything hurts?" Doctor: "40"
@ticknada: Everyone is an atheist until you zip your fly up too quick Then its all Lord Jesus please help
@whereami18: Saying no thanks to a CW's offer to hit me with their car so I could take the day off proves decisions shouldn't be made before coffee