@Michael1979: Days after my plane crashed, I find a phone. Thankfully, it has enough battery for me to go online & argue with strangers. I remain stranded
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DumbConfessions: Jesus: "Is it time for the second coming yet dad?" God: "I'll just give Kanye the Holy Spirit. Already thinks he's me." Both: "LOLOLOLOL"
@naughty_aditi: Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
@Cheeseboy22: After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was "Elevator Buttons."