@Michael1979: Days after my plane crashed, I find a phone. Thankfully, it has enough battery for me to go online & argue with strangers. I remain stranded
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@trumpetcake: Just realized that the group therapy I attended weekly for three years was actually the waiting room of a local optometrist.
@TragicAllyHere: *I accidentally fall onto my computer and it logs me into Facebook* crap *I try to get up but fall again and it causes me to type in my ex's name* dangit *I fall yet again and comment "your baby looks cross-eyed" on his album* oh shoot