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@sickipediabot: Adele has announced that she will be singing the theme for the next James Bond film. Diet Another Day will be released in 2014.
@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something: -Say "let's have a look" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say "nah it's broken" -Place hands on hips
@TheTweetOfGod: I won't be satisfied until I have enough followers to form sects that fight about how to interpret My tweets until they kill each other.
@matt___nelson: [at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: "what can I get u?" "do u have any eucalyptus?" *restaurant goes quiet*