@msdanifernandez: [dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend
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@BaconHuffer: I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power.
@JohnLyonTweets: Nephew: Do you like Minecraft? Me: [trying to seem cool] I am interested in how mines are built, yes.
@AlmightyBored: Me: I'm eating for two now. Him: Oh, are you pregnant? Me: Nooooo. Is that what that means?