@JohnLyonTweets: Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won't need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird.
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@IamEveryDayPpl: My walk of shame is spending 10 minutes trying to pronounce something at a Mexican restaurant before giving up and ordering tacos.
@Vodkantots: Imagine falling in love with someone and then discovering that he has faith in humanity.
@TheToddWilliams: [cat clinic] CAT: I have insomnia DR. CAT: How bad is it? CAT: I haven't slept in 20 minutes DR. CAT: *is napping*
@GaryJanetti: Thinking of adopting a child. What color should I get? Keep in mind my walls are eggshell and cinnamon.