@SalaciousSully: Dear Americans: It's called snow. It's cold and wet, but can't hurt you from inside the house. It has no opposable thumbs. #AskCanada
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@Darlainky: Maybe naming my new hippie themed bar Free Spirits was a bit misleading. Lesson learned.
@cool_as_heck: Boy: I wish more girls liked farming Girl: I like farming Boy: Lol oh yeah? Name the 5 most water-efficient irrigation systems of the 1980s
@GrowlyGrego: My little old fish didn't move around in her bowl all day. i thought she was dead but it turns out she was just going through minnow pause.
@SortaBad: Judge: Ms Spears, how do you plea? "I'm not. that. innocent." *frustrated defense counsel tosses like 9000 papers in the air*