@mattwhitlockPM: dear apps that shut off my music when i open them: just how important do you think you are
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@Black__Elvis: My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch.
@peachesanscream: Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
@Jenn_H_Scott: 7yo: Why can't I have coffee? Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!