@rickkondell: Dear autocorrect, please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
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@ibid78: "Your word is 'oujia'" -could you use that in a seance? [spelling bee judge puts hand over the mic] I think.. I think this guy just won
@KeetPotato: [paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak] wife: "it's so beautiful" me: "can you believe they named this after a website?"
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: (God creating coyotes) God: Make them look like dogs. Angel: Exactly like dogs? God: But with a meth problem.