@rickkondell: Dear autocorrect, please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
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@iamspacegirl: [answering door on halloween] NEIGHBORHOOD MOM: please stop giving the children hamsters ME *hands full of hamsters*: but it's Halloween
@SadieSkyNinja: My favorite part about ordering a salad on the first date is going into the bathroom and eating 6 mini donuts.
@Shock_Monster: Ladies: We barely pay attention when you are speaking directly AT us. What makes you think we will pick up on a subtweet?