@chicnlil1: Dear boyfriend, i can make ur girlfriend scream louder than u can.
@DarzieDAMN: It's not that I accept the Terms and Conditions. It's just that I would rather not spend the rest of my life reading them.
@Fred_Delicious: *Paul Walker shouts down from the gates of heaven*
"YO DID I GET A MILLION LIKES ON FACEBOOK? THEY WON'T LET ME IN WITHOUT A MILLION LIKES"
@iwearaonesie: wife: how is it outside?
me: windy. almost blew one kids hat off and some guy's trying to figure out how to get his smart car out of a tree
@joeljeffrey: Why don't they just get Jehovah's Witnesses to deliver the mail?
@TheSwanDon: Ugh I hate the bathroom at this mall. There's not a single urinal. Just a bunch of women screaming.