@chicnlil1: Dear boyfriend, i can make ur girlfriend scream louder than u can.
@gazg74: I'd totally shake what my momma gave me but abandonment issues aren't really a tangible physical manifestation.....
@Fred_Delicious: Wife - "I'm leaving you..."
Me - "noooooo..."
Wife - "...a hotdog in my will"
Me - "...oooyeeahhhhhh"
@totaIdadmoves: Just gonna leave this here.
@JediGigi: He said I won his heart and I was all "Ugh can I just win like $20? How about a sweater from Sears? A pencil? I could really use a pencil."
@sammynickalls: ladies: the day after Halloween, don't forget to buy all the discounted blood capsules to keep in your mouth when men tell you to smile