@behindyourback: Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
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@AaronFullerton: Did you know you can actually WIN Instagram by taking a picture of your feet next to your dinner at sunset?
@hythemafia: Sperm 1: "Geez I'm exhausted, how much further to the Fallopian tubes?" Sperm 2: "A long way, we've just passed the tonsils..."
@dankmtl: Confession: I'm a fake gamer guy. This gut? Prosthetic. These shorts? Armani. Even this bag of cheetos is filled with healthy baby carrots!