@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.
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@punmagnate: Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss
@Dutch_50: Seems I can never find good brussels sprouts at the store, so I decided to grow them myself. Turns out I don't like brussels sprouts.
@YINGY_FLEMMMING: When they announce "all youths stay behind after church. Your Help is needed around the church premises" Me:
@Sickayduh: "Saying hot is disrespectful. You should say beautiful instead." "Fine. Can you pass me the beautiful sauce then?"