@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.
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@animaldrumss: me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?
@Brampersandon_: [White House] Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS? *Biden excitedly raises hand* Besides assembling the Avengers. *Biden dejectedly lowers hand*