@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 1 of being a gang member. Wore a bandana today, but took it off after a woman shouted "you go girl!" from across the street.
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@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza
@myles_morrison: Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."
@flashember: [Spain, 1578] "I'm not a witch!" But all the cats? "My pets!" The broom? "For cleaning!" The cauldron of boiling children? "Ok I'm a witch."
@HatfieldAnne: Mom used to say the only accessory a fashionable girl needs is a virtuous reputation. But it's bracelets.