@BatBatshitcrazy: My ex mother in law once commented that she wished her son had stayed married to his first wife.
Me too, I replied.
@HatfieldAnne: Google Maps says it’s a 29 minute walk, but where’s the secret calculation for the long-legged and impatient?
@MarfSalvador: [Valentine's Day]
Me: I got you a bunch of flowers
GF: Thanks
Me: There were loads just by the roadside. Got you a teddy and a candle too
@DadInUtah: Asking your stay-at-home wife what exactly she did all day is a fun way to bleed.
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.
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