@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 41 at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. So far none of the other students have noticed that my wand is a Slim Jim.
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@BrettDruck: May he without sin cast the first stone [Everybody picks up rocks] Sharing Netflix passwords counts as sin [Everybody puts rocks back down]
@LoneWolfStories: Her: OMG! The holidays aren't an excuse to stuff your face with whatever edible that crosses your path. Me: I eat like this everyday.
@iGreenMonk: I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !