@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 41 at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. So far none of the other students have noticed that my wand is a Slim Jim.
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@RegularFred: Wife: that's never going to work Husband: you're so negative, Sandra W: you're planting bird seeds H: LET ME GROW MY BIRDS, WOMAN
@Sassafrantz: Some guy just asked if I was Asian cuz he's China get in my pants. Hope your day is as magical as mine.
@SirEviscerate: *shoots self in the foot and screams in agony for 20 seconds* *hits 'stop recording' on outgoing voicemail message*