@Sassafrantz: Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Finding out how big of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan I truly am was understandably pretty tough for my daughters, Raphael & Leonardo.
@dubstep4dads: [using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... "what the hell?" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]
@lunasgarden_: I have decided I will never get down to my original weight. Besides 7.5 pounds is unrealistic anyway.
@spicy_peen: What medications do I take? I'm not sure. The names on my neighbor's prescription bottles are ridiculously long