@MenHumor: Dear Edward, maybe the reason you can't read Bella's mind is because there's nothing in her head. Sincerely, Logic.
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@AristotlesNZ: Need hospital etiquette advice. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?
@KenJennings: Guy at the park who just put out his cigar and started doing tai chi is my new fitness guru.
@Kate_Goldsmith: I thought I typed "twitter" in my URL, but I got Hot Russian Ladies somehow instead. So, I guess I have a wife in the mail....
@LoriGallucci: "Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?" "No sweetie, Barbie comes with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken"