@MenHumor: Dear Edward, maybe the reason you can't read Bella's mind is because there's nothing in her head. Sincerely, Logic.
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@mrjohndarby: went to the dog hairdresser and (u started reading so u may as well finish) I can't believe how well she held the scissors in her little paw
@shatty48: Some people are looking for the meaning of life. I'm still looking for the meaning of I licky boom boom down.
@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime
@weinerdog4life: Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.