@Marlebean: Dear future self,
No, you weren't robbed. You left your house like this.
Sincerely,
You, you dumb slob.
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@AdriannaLaCervx: *Makes sex noises getting into clean bedding*
@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Size does matter! Tell her how big your TV is.
@Brianhopecomedy: Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room.
@QwertyJones3: Sorry I replied "yikes" to your selfie.
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