@mlccm: Dear god, please let me have sex at least as often as adobe or java needs an update. Everyday.
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@juliussharpe: I'm scared to go to sleep tonight knowing some maniac is running around out there slightly deflating footballs.
@stacetoned: If you feel like someone is playing mind games with you, they totally are and you should kill them before they kill you.
@noog: *opens facebook messenger* *sips mtn dew twice* *strokes neckbeard* *begins typing* Sorry abt ur mom dying Tis a shame Btw ur attractive
@Jenny4ashley: Try explaining to your kid why you're taking a bath with a cucumber then come talk to me about your problems.