@mlccm: Dear god, please let me have sex at least as often as adobe or java needs an update. Everyday.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@markedly: Things Ted Cruz and I have in common: 1. Love butter 2. Shy eyes 3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual 4. Brown hair
@AtticusFinch79: I'm so oblivious to someone flirting with me that if they told me to take my shirt off I'd assume it was because I spilled something on it
@audipenny: friend: wish you were here! me, abruptly stopping whatever I'm doing and captaining a speedboat approaching your house: oh really
@werehedgehog: When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it.